Michael Saylor’s 2BNs, Adam Back’s 700Ks, Jamie Dimon’s No-to-BTCs and 20 Crypto Jokes

Last updated: December 8, 2023 02:17 EST
. 4 min read

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This is your weekly digest of top crypto news from Cryptonews.com, followed by a collection of 20 hand-picked crypto jokes.

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This crypto week in the crypto world: the super-majority of bitcoin holders were back in profit, a Glassnode analyst expected the BTC pump to “correct” after the rally to $44,000, crypto execs argued that a bull run could lead to $100,000 BTC in 2024, Bloomberg predicted a crypto supercycle and a BTC price rally to $500,000, and Blockstream CEO Adam Back forecasted $700,000 bitcoin within two years. Meanwhile, an anonymous leaker revealed a GTA VI trailer with a buy-BTC banner.

Then, Bitcoin transaction fees outpaced Ethereum, Ethereum-based tokenization attracted traditional finance giants, and Ethereum’s decentralization was questioned as the block builders censored transactions tied to US sanctions. While Bitcoin ordinals tapped the $1 billion market cap, a developer said ordinals are exploiting a “vulnerability” to spam the Bitcoin network, proposing a fix.

Also, MicroStrategy’s Michael Saylor was in almost $2 billion profit from bitcoin holdings, and he explained why bitcoin would be the ‘apex commodity’.

Not everything was about BTC and ETH, though. Investors believed the US Fed would pause rate hikes, JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon expressed his strong opposition to crypto, the Korean won surpassed the dollar as the largest fiat trading pair in crypto for the first time, Dogecoin surged 10% in a day as the popular meme coin celebrated its 10th anniversary, and the Solana-based meme coin BONK continued its surge, hitting an all-time high.

As that was happening, Nubank partnered with Circle to extend USDC access to the bank’s Brazilian customers, Amazon Managed Blockchain Access started supporting Polygon, Societe Generale decided to list its stablecoin EUR CoinVertible on Bitstamp and issue its inaugural digital green bond on Ethereum, while Robinhood reported a 75% increase in crypto trading volume for November and launched a commission-free crypto trading app in the EU.

In Binance news, a CFTC Commissioner said Binance’s $4.3 billion fine should be used as a “template” for how to operate, CZ’s guilty plea was accepted by the judge, Binance was expected to lose its leading position following the guilty plea to US charges, and new Binance CEO Richard Teng addressed compliance issues in his first interview. Also, Binance said it would compensate users who bought the AEUR stablecoin during a recent 200% surge.

Meanwhile, OKX and Bybit capitalized as Binance’s market share declined, and new features in Coinbase Wallet were meant to simplify international money transfers. BlackRock and Bitwise updated their filings for spot Bitcoin ETFs with the US SEC, while the regulator delayed the decision on Grayscale’s Spot Ethereum ETF until January 2024.

Speaking of the SEC, a federal judge warned its attorneys about “false and misleading” arguments in a court filing. And speaking of courts, crypto exchange Bitzlato was in hot water as its co-founder pleaded guilty.

Then, Square Enix sold all character NFTs in the first auction for its upcoming game Symbiogenesis, and Megadeth announced the launch of a new NFT collection. The Technology Innovation Institute in Abu Dhabi launched a blockchain for tracking carbon emissions, Emart said its new next-generation ATMs could soon feature crypto and STO trading functions, and the Worldcoin Foundation launched a $5 million community grants program.

Now that you’ve been newsed, it’s time to get joked!

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GM, not-poor-just-pre-rich people!